May 19, 2015

When you’re going through a divorce, you may be tempted to get even with your ex. It can be easy to cause a stressful divorce by causing conflict, showing anger and dismissing your ex’s feelings. The question is, is it really worth it? Some ex’s feel a lack of control in the situation so they feel the urge to try to fight with the spouse to get even.

This may be through badmouthing their spouse to social media and spreading lies. In reality, divorces are emotionally and financially taxing enough that making it harder on one another is illogical. Don’t be convinced that getting even with an ex will make you feel better, make them feel worse or help anything. Here is a look at why you need to get over your divorce, not even.

Why getting even is not the way to go

Along with embarrassing yourself by badmouthing another person to the world, you could jeopardize your children’s custody arrangements and cost yourself more financially. Your spouse may fight fire with fire by trying to ask the court for a lifetime of alimony due to personal damages experienced in the marriage. An ex-spouse may try to take your personal belongings or damage them to hurt you.

Your spouse may also try to badmouth you to your children. Don’t disrespect your ex-spouse or expect anything; just do everything in your power to be the bigger person and move on amicably.

Why do people get even?

People feel the urge to get even because they are the type of people that like to hurt anyone that has caused them any hurt. They have high expectations of how they should be treated which means they feel that any personal injustice gives them the right to cause harm back. While resentment is a normal feeling, holding on to grudges or getting revenge is not.

Keep in mind that you aren’t forced to forgive during your divorce, but focusing on setting goals and moving forward is the most important. Try to replace your thoughts of revenge with positive affirmations, set goals and focus on what should be doing and take responsibility for your role in the relationship issues as to let go of anger towards your ex.